the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize