the condom got lost in my hair
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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