oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
