i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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