drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
