I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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