I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize