i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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