if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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