Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
