One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
