sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
