I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
