hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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