My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
