So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
