so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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