there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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