I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My pussy is not your playground.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
