i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
