Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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