I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
