he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
