too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
