Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
