I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
