he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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