It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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