So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Is it penis luge time yet?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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