I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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