Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
