She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
