i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
