Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize