I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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