It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
