he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize