It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
