The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
