Are we in a gay sports bar?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
