taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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