is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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