just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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