Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
