I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
