You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
