Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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