Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize