Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i permit you to call me
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
