That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
