you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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