She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
