3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
