I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
