I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
