So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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