I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
