God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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