I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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