found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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