I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
