What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
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