I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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