Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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