i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
