I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
