i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
