I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
wat bout pragnant strippers??
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
