I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
